I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t know where you want me to go. And I don’t know how I’m going to get there, wherever “there” is.
When I experience the uncertainties and unfulfilled desires that are woven into life, I am grateful for a guide like Saint Thomas. I am grateful for the relationship he had with Jesus, and what it reveals about my own relationship with Jesus. Maybe he gets such a bad rap as a “doubter” because we don’t like to face our own doubts about faith and life.
Uncertainty can cultivate creativity, increase dependence on God and community, and grow our spiritual lives. It also does dangerous work with anxiety, insecurities, and tempts us to live anywhere but the present moment.
Thomas has committed to Jesus. He loves Jesus and trusts him, but he has some questions.
Jesus and his disciples are sitting together at the Last Supper, in the way that we gather with the people we love most. Jesus is preparing his disciples for his death and resurrection. They are scared and don’t really get what he is saying.
Duh. No one had ever resurrected from the dead to sit at the right hand of God before. How on earth could they get it? We have the advantage of a couple thousand years, and we still believe more in the power of Tylenol than the resurrection.
Thomas says to Jesus, “Lord, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” (John 14: 5).
Thomas wants to follow Jesus, but he doesn’t know how. I feel this. I want to do what you want me to do, Jesus. Because I believe in and have experienced your goodness. But, I’ve got to be real, I don’t see the way.
Jesus looks at Thomas, and looks at you and me. He sees us and loves us. And says, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.” (John 14: 6).
You may not know the way, but you know me. Remember the love, the generosity, the mercy, the peace, the freedom I’ve brought into your life. Keep trusting me, and I’ll walk with you through your uncertainty. There is something of the certainty you seek right here, with me.